i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize