What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
