the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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