His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
