Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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