Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
