Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
