He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
