I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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