dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
