I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
