Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
