She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
