onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
