Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
