$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
