life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
