I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
