Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Acid is not a monday night drug
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
