it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
