i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize