Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
