Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
