bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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