this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
