Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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