Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize