i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
