i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize