Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have post one night stand depression
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
