whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize