The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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