just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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