Pants 0. Shit 1.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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