By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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