i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
