Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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