Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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