If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
