You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
