he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
