Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The convent might be a nice break from real life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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