I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
