I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so let's talk penis.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
