I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize