i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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