"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
