Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
