The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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