i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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