I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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