i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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