sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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