i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
a search helicopter?!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
