winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize