i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
