I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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