guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
