Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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