the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
