You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
