My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Someone shattered a urinal.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
