You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
