So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
