I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I had to cum in my sink.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
