This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize