I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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