You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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