my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
