I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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