ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
