i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
