We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
