One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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