i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
