ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
