I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
