hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
