I wish my penis had an off switch
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
