i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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