What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
