Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
