Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
