im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
