The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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