hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
