apparently the secret to your success is patron
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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