the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We need to get me chipped asap
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