All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
