He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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