It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you remember whose house we're in?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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