There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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