I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
