My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
